--* so here it goes

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"I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry, or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go."

- - Jennifer Jareau, Criminal Minds

I hate to do this, but I have to! And no, I’m not leaving, I’m just gonna be MIA for a while. My muses need a reboot and I need to figure out a bunch of life things. I’m kind of figuring out who I am and I need to get used to that person and being that person. I just need to get my mind wrapped around the fact that I have changed and that I have to accept things that I don’t want to, know things I didn’t want to learn and let go of people who I don’t want to let go of. This past week has been hell for me, between losing a friendship of 6 years and losing my dog, I need an emotional leave. I’m also figuring out how I feel about my boyfriend, and the amount of time I’ve been spending with him, I’m running out of time to be spending here with you guys. And this isn’t the only site I’m on, I know that people who can balance a lot of characters are going to roll their eyes or try to lecture me about it, but don’t. I don’t want to hear all about how you do it, or if the site was important to me, I’d make time. I’ll still be on the internet and probably on the site. I’m going to finish any character applications that are pending and I’ll try to post, but for the most part, I need to figure out my real life problems, feelings and issues before I jump into the RP world. My mom said to me a few weeks ago that I have to figure out my priorities, and as harsh as this sounds, this site, isn’t high up on that list anymore, but I need to focus on other things right now, and not my characters or how they feel. As of right now, role playing and threading is a stress to me, and I don’t want it to be like that. I thought that my Thanksgiving weekend was going to refuel my muse, but that was when all of this bad, stressful stuff started to happen, and it’s also when I started to figure out who I was, and who I used to be. The girl that I was a few months ago was left behind the moment I walked out my high school as a student for the last time, and I really need to get used to this new person that I am and it’s harder than it seems, because I’m sharing who I am with someone else.

I know that I can talk to any of you about my life and my problems, but I don’t want to talk about this stuff with you. Don’t take that as an insult, it’s just… the problems are my own and they are only things that I can fix and try to make right. I just want to know that I can figure this stuff out on my own and not have to worry about the shit load of other personalities in my mind right now. I’ve lived a very sheltered life and now, without schooling, I’m out in the open. I just need some time to adjust to everything. I know that some of you may say that I had all summer, but I really didn’t. I treated summer like a summer break from school, and now, now I need to get used to everything. I need to understand that the people I used to be friends with and cared about while I was in school, aren’t what I need in my life right now, and I need to let new ones in. I need to get comfortable with myself again. I need to let go of my old self and I need to let go of what happened to me in the past. I need to move on with my life, and once again, just so I’m clear, I’m not leaving the site again.

I think that sums up everything, but to sum it up in a few simple words. I’m going to let my muses regenerate, say goodbye to my old self and welcome my new self with open arms. I’m going to figure out my confusing feelings and stop being scared of giving my heart up. I’ll still be around my loves, I’ll just be really spacey with when I’m on. You can all text me when you want to, and you can Facebook, Skype and MSN me if you want. I love you all so much <33

Much love,
Jess… and her ninjas.